): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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