I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize