I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
