Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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