I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
