You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
