He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
