dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
