He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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