it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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