Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize