My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
