i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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