What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Vodka?
Forever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize