he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
