My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
