Umm I'm too high to move.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
