haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
