This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
