Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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