I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
