Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
