Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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