Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Less talking, more tequila
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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