I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
