meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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