so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My penis needs a shock collar
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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