I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
