I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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