he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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