she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize