I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
