So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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