Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
