Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize