I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
