You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
