1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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