is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
