my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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