theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
