So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
