Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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