I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize