I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
