What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
