Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
