we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
