I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
