yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
