Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
