If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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