It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
