How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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