I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
