i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
