Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She bit a glass in half.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
