awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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