just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You are the jesus of drinking
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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