Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
