Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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