and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
