I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
