Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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