my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
