i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
