What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
