Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just cropdusted the office
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
