I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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