She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize