We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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