you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
