I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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