But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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