i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
