Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
