Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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