dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
