just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
