You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
