I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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