YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
