dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
