Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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