If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
