So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
